SAT寫作真題批改實(shí)例講解
SAT學(xué)生習(xí)作修改：Is it necessary to question the authority?
分析：本文是2006年10月考題，先根據(jù)題目做思維練習(xí)。
本文作者寫的是黑人爭(zhēng)奪民權(quán)，就此考慮文章中要細(xì)化的內(nèi)容。
Authority--- who? 本文是the white people
Question the authority--- why? （因?yàn)榘兹似圬?fù)黑人太甚了） How? （開會(huì)，選領(lǐng)導(dǎo)，搞抗議）
Result ---（廢除了公共汽車法）
學(xué)生文章分析
開頭段：
1Every person makes mistakes, as well as the authority. 2Thats why it is important to insist your own idea when authority is wrong. 3Development of peoples society is usually associated with challenging the authority.
問(wèn)題：句一太松散；句二詞組誤用，缺定冠詞；句三和句二之間有些跳躍，意思上理解應(yīng)該是挑戰(zhàn)權(quán)威的結(jié)果；首段缺少明確的觀點(diǎn)和對(duì)下文的提示。
修改：1 I cannot agree more with the saying, 2for the authority, like common people, are likely to make mistakes or act unreasonably on some occasions. 3At that moment, the public is supposed to, at the risk of offending the authority, insist on his own belief for the further development of the society. 4Next I will take the example of __Rosa Park_____ to illustrate/substantiate my point.
開頭段要素：1.回答問(wèn)題，2、3 解釋為什么是這個(gè)答案，4.結(jié)構(gòu)提示，下面舉什么例子。
中間段
第一步：指出誰(shuí)是權(quán)威。
In 20 century, white people in the USA discriminated against the black, 1especially in the south. There were signs which said no colored allowed, whites only everywhere. And black people had to sit in the back of the bus.
問(wèn)題：句子較為松散，并且沒(méi)有非常明確地點(diǎn)出權(quán)威是白人這個(gè)概念。
修改：
In the early 1960s of the United States, it is the white who held the ultimate authority in various kinds of affairs, including the policy towards the black, whom they discriminated against. Thats why signs saying no colored allowed, whites only could be spotted almost everywhere. However, as the inferior group, most black people tended to accept the unfavorable status quo until they year of 1955.
第二步：開始營(yíng)造question 權(quán)威的原因和過(guò)程。
On December 1st, 1955, it was a common day in Montgomery. Alabama Rosa Parks, who 1was a black woman working hard and did well in her job, took the bus （to go）home and found a seat behind the white section. When the bus stopped at a stop, 6 white people boarded the bus. The bus driver asked those black riders to give their seats for the white passengers as usual. 3 black people stood up immediately, but Rosa refused2. And Rosa refused again when the driver asked her to give up her seat one more time. 3Then the driver called the police. Rosa was arrested by two patrolmen, charged of violating the city bus ordinance.
問(wèn)題：
1在SAT語(yǔ)法中，and 這個(gè)詞的左右對(duì)等問(wèn)題是大家要特別注意的。其次white section 也沒(méi)有交代清楚，容易引起困惑。大家可能覺(jué)得很奇怪，寫給美國(guó)人看，需要交代得那么清楚嗎，他們肯定知道啦。如果這樣想就違反了寫作reader-friendly的宗旨。出現(xiàn)特殊概念，要同位語(yǔ)或從句解釋，這樣才符合官方指南中connect to the audience的目的。
2處最大的問(wèn)題在于邏輯,拒絕出現(xiàn)的比較突然。
為什么她不愿讓座，因?yàn)樗齼?nèi)心覺(jué)得黑人和白人應(yīng)該是一樣的，可以擁有相同權(quán)利，這是為什么挑戰(zhàn)的原因。
3處也有一點(diǎn)突兀，如要要改建議加上報(bào)警的原因，因?yàn)轳{駛員生氣或是覺(jué)得權(quán)威被挑戰(zhàn)Angered by her refusal, the bus driver called the police。
修改：
突出挑戰(zhàn)過(guò)程，增加細(xì)節(jié)，參考維基百科http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rosa_Parks
In Montgomery, the first four rows of bus seats were reserved for white people. Though black people could sit in the middle rows when there was vacancy, they had to move to seats in the rear, stand, or, if there was no room, leave the bus when the white section was full.（這也是一種白人是權(quán)威細(xì)節(jié)） But on December 1st, 1955, Alabama Rosa Parks, a tired black woman, got on a bus heading for her home after a days hard work. She paid her fare and sat in an empty seat in the first row of back seats reserved for blacks in the colored section, which was near the middle of the bus and directly behind the ten seats reserved for white passengers. . As the bus traveled along its regular route, all of the white-only seats in the bus filled up. The bus reached the third stop in front of the Empire Theater, and several white passengers boarded. So, following standard practice, bus driver Blake noted that the front of the bus was filled with white passengers and there were two or three men standing, and thus moved the colored section sign behind Parks and demanded that four black people give up their seats in the middle section so that the white passengers could sit. And the other three people moved, but she didnt and said to herself, I would have to know for once and for all what rights I had as a human being and a citizen.（這是挑戰(zhàn)的原因） The driver then added, Why dont you stand up?Parks responded, I dont think I should have to stand up. And he said, Well, if you dont stand up, Im going to have to call the police and have you arrested. I said, you may do that. （這一段在描繪她是怎么挑戰(zhàn)的。可以通過(guò)對(duì)話加強(qiáng)真實(shí)感，這是滿分作文經(jīng)常用的套路）
Soon Rosa was arrested by two patrolmen and was later charged with a violation of Chapter 6, Section 11 segregation law of the Montgomery City code
第三步：挑戰(zhàn)權(quán)威之后帶來(lái)的benefits。
This news spread through the black community. 1People felt it was the time for them to do something. After a conversation with several ministers and civic leaders, the group decided to organize a boycott. On the next Monday, the boycott succeeded----no black people took buses in Montgomery, which 2made they decide to continue the action. 3People formed an organization call MIA, and elect Martin Luther King as their president.
問(wèn)題：1 這句話太空了，而且和前文的邏輯關(guān)系也不是很清楚，建議加上Rosa的舉動(dòng)鼓勵(lì)大家團(tuán)結(jié)起來(lái)爭(zhēng)取利益。
2 應(yīng)該改成make them decide to不過(guò)值得一提的是make 這個(gè)單詞實(shí)在是比較土了，建議換成enable sb. to do. sth./或是render sb. adj 這兩個(gè)概念。
3 繼續(xù)行動(dòng)，和建立組織之間嚴(yán)格說(shuō)來(lái)還有一個(gè)小步驟，也就是為了讓行動(dòng)更有效果，建立了
修改：
The imprisonment of Rosa Park discouraged and infuriated the black, who had been swallowing their anger before this incident. This time they were stimulated to rebel, rescuing the brave woman Rosa Park and more importantly wining their equal rights as an American citizen. Their plan of challenging the white（點(diǎn)題,引出如何進(jìn)一步挑戰(zhàn)） began with a conference composed of several ministers and civic leaders, who decided to organize a boycott among the black, namely, refusing to ride the citys buses until they were treated with the level of courtesy they expected, until black drivers were hired, and until seating in the middle of the bus was handled on a first-come basis. Moreover, in order to win the battle more effectively, the black formed an organization call MIA and elected Martin Luther King as their president. Their protest lasted over a year, ending when the United States Supreme Court ordered Montgomery to abolish the bus law. （這是挑戰(zhàn)之后的成果，廢除了公交法）
第四步：例子論述結(jié)束，進(jìn)行議論，把觀點(diǎn)和例子結(jié)合起來(lái)。
If those black people had never fought for their rights, they would still sit 1on the back of the bus, and 2they had to give up their seats whenever white people ask. 3If they had not challenged the white people, who are authority to them, they might still live at the bottom of society.
問(wèn)題：這個(gè)議論寫得還是比較精彩的，用的是虛擬語(yǔ)氣，從句和過(guò)去相反，主句和現(xiàn)在相反。
1 處有問(wèn)題，坐在汽車后部？ Take a seat in the back of the bus.
2 處的they had to 和之前的they would sit 并不是完全對(duì)等，我們可以改成： They would have to take a seat in the back of the bus and give up their seats when the white section was full. 其次if 如果做虛擬，可以做結(jié)構(gòu)省略，had those black people never fought for
3 生活在社會(huì)底層這個(gè)表達(dá)還是略有點(diǎn)中式。
Had they never challenged their authority, the white, they might still live at the foot of the social ladder. 分頁(yè)標(biāo)題#e#
4 還有一個(gè)小問(wèn)題就是在不寫結(jié)尾段的情況下，建議在議論部分明確的把你的觀點(diǎn)再重申一下。
修改：
Had Rosa Park never refused to give up her seat（概括例子）, the black would still have to take a seat in the back of the bus and give up their seats when the white section was full. Had Rosa Park never challenged the authority for equal rights, the black might still live at the foot of the social ladder.
Thus, it is imperative to question the authority behaving irrationally. （重述觀點(diǎn)）
全文總結(jié)：
1 SAT作文的開頭段三步走，一明確指出觀點(diǎn)，二解釋為什么，三做出結(jié)構(gòu)提示，即下文舉什么例子。
2 中間段的例子主要由論述和議論組成。
論述過(guò)程中要圍繞觀點(diǎn)來(lái)展開，分析好題目之后確定要細(xì)化的內(nèi)容。本文要細(xì)化的是權(quán)威的所指，為什么挑戰(zhàn)，怎么挑戰(zhàn)以及挑戰(zhàn)之后的結(jié)果。
議論指的是把例子簡(jiǎn)單總結(jié)，結(jié)合觀點(diǎn)。
3 高分關(guān)鍵：1）細(xì)節(jié)充實(shí)；2） 邏輯清楚；3） 語(yǔ)言準(zhǔn)確。
其中第一點(diǎn)是可以短期提高的，給大家提供一些參考書：《維基百科》、《美國(guó)歷史重大事件及著名人物》（郝澎）（此書是中英對(duì)照） 、《外教社人物傳記叢書》（英漢對(duì)照）。 后者是我強(qiáng)烈建議的，內(nèi)容短小精悍，包括了很多熟悉的人物，比如比爾蓋茨、戴妃、莎翁、泰格伍茲等等。大家可以選取1-2本，一邊看一邊做摘錄，同時(shí)多做思維練習(xí)。
4 Practice makes perfect. 相比閱讀部分，作文部分的提高還是很快的，大家把題目分好類之后，按類別準(zhǔn)備例子，然后限時(shí)練習(xí)。
SAT學(xué)生習(xí)作修改：Is it necessary to question the authority?
分析：本文是2006年10月考題，先根據(jù)題目做思維練習(xí)。
本文作者寫的是黑人爭(zhēng)奪民權(quán)，就此考慮文章中要細(xì)化的內(nèi)容。
Authority--- who? 本文是the white people
Question the authority--- why? （因?yàn)榘兹似圬?fù)黑人太甚了） How? （開會(huì)，選領(lǐng)導(dǎo)，搞抗議）
Result ---（廢除了公共汽車法）
學(xué)生文章分析
開頭段：
1Every person makes mistakes, as well as the authority. 2Thats why it is important to insist your own idea when authority is wrong. 3Development of peoples society is usually associated with challenging the authority.
問(wèn)題：句一太松散；句二詞組誤用，缺定冠詞；句三和句二之間有些跳躍，意思上理解應(yīng)該是挑戰(zhàn)權(quán)威的結(jié)果；首段缺少明確的觀點(diǎn)和對(duì)下文的提示。
修改：1 I cannot agree more with the saying, 2for the authority, like common people, are likely to make mistakes or act unreasonably on some occasions. 3At that moment, the public is supposed to, at the risk of offending the authority, insist on his own belief for the further development of the society. 4Next I will take the example of __Rosa Park_____ to illustrate/substantiate my point.
開頭段要素：1.回答問(wèn)題，2、3 解釋為什么是這個(gè)答案，4.結(jié)構(gòu)提示，下面舉什么例子。
中間段
第一步：指出誰(shuí)是權(quán)威。
In 20 century, white people in the USA discriminated against the black, 1especially in the south. There were signs which said no colored allowed, whites only everywhere. And black people had to sit in the back of the bus.
問(wèn)題：句子較為松散，并且沒(méi)有非常明確地點(diǎn)出權(quán)威是白人這個(gè)概念。
修改：
In the early 1960s of the United States, it is the white who held the ultimate authority in various kinds of affairs, including the policy towards the black, whom they discriminated against. Thats why signs saying no colored allowed, whites only could be spotted almost everywhere. However, as the inferior group, most black people tended to accept the unfavorable status quo until they year of 1955.
第二步：開始營(yíng)造question 權(quán)威的原因和過(guò)程。
On December 1st, 1955, it was a common day in Montgomery. Alabama Rosa Parks, who 1was a black woman working hard and did well in her job, took the bus （to go）home and found a seat behind the white section. When the bus stopped at a stop, 6 white people boarded the bus. The bus driver asked those black riders to give their seats for the white passengers as usual. 3 black people stood up immediately, but Rosa refused2. And Rosa refused again when the driver asked her to give up her seat one more time. 3Then the driver called the police. Rosa was arrested by two patrolmen, charged of violating the city bus ordinance.
問(wèn)題：
1在SAT語(yǔ)法中，and 這個(gè)詞的左右對(duì)等問(wèn)題是大家要特別注意的。其次white section 也沒(méi)有交代清楚，容易引起困惑。大家可能覺(jué)得很奇怪，寫給美國(guó)人看，需要交代得那么清楚嗎，他們肯定知道啦。如果這樣想就違反了寫作reader-friendly的宗旨。出現(xiàn)特殊概念，要同位語(yǔ)或從句解釋，這樣才符合官方指南中connect to the audience的目的。
2處最大的問(wèn)題在于邏輯,拒絕出現(xiàn)的比較突然。
為什么她不愿讓座，因?yàn)樗齼?nèi)心覺(jué)得黑人和白人應(yīng)該是一樣的，可以擁有相同權(quán)利，這是為什么挑戰(zhàn)的原因。
3處也有一點(diǎn)突兀，如要要改建議加上報(bào)警的原因，因?yàn)轳{駛員生氣或是覺(jué)得權(quán)威被挑戰(zhàn)Angered by her refusal, the bus driver called the police。
修改：
突出挑戰(zhàn)過(guò)程，增加細(xì)節(jié)，參考維基百科http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rosa_Parks
In Montgomery, the first four rows of bus seats were reserved for white people. Though black people could sit in the middle rows when there was vacancy, they had to move to seats in the rear, stand, or, if there was no room, leave the bus when the white section was full.（這也是一種白人是權(quán)威細(xì)節(jié)） But on December 1st, 1955, Alabama Rosa Parks, a tired black woman, got on a bus heading for her home after a days hard work. She paid her fare and sat in an empty seat in the first row of back seats reserved for blacks in the colored section, which was near the middle of the bus and directly behind the ten seats reserved for white passengers. . As the bus traveled along its regular route, all of the white-only seats in the bus filled up. The bus reached the third stop in front of the Empire Theater, and several white passengers boarded. So, following standard practice, bus driver Blake noted that the front of the bus was filled with white passengers and there were two or three men standing, and thus moved the colored section sign behind Parks and demanded that four black people give up their seats in the middle section so that the white passengers could sit. And the other three people moved, but she didnt and said to herself, I would have to know for once and for all what rights I had as a human being and a citizen.（這是挑戰(zhàn)的原因） The driver then added, Why dont you stand up?Parks responded, I dont think I should have to stand up. And he said, Well, if you dont stand up, Im going to have to call the police and have you arrested. I said, you may do that. （這一段在描繪她是怎么挑戰(zhàn)的。可以通過(guò)對(duì)話加強(qiáng)真實(shí)感，這是滿分作文經(jīng)常用的套路）
Soon Rosa was arrested by two patrolmen and was later charged with a violation of Chapter 6, Section 11 segregation law of the Montgomery City code
第三步：挑戰(zhàn)權(quán)威之后帶來(lái)的benefits。
This news spread through the black community. 1People felt it was the time for them to do something. After a conversation with several ministers and civic leaders, the group decided to organize a boycott. On the next Monday, the boycott succeeded----no black people took buses in Montgomery, which 2made they decide to continue the action. 3People formed an organization call MIA, and elect Martin Luther King as their president.
問(wèn)題：1 這句話太空了，而且和前文的邏輯關(guān)系也不是很清楚，建議加上Rosa的舉動(dòng)鼓勵(lì)大家團(tuán)結(jié)起來(lái)爭(zhēng)取利益。
2 應(yīng)該改成make them decide to不過(guò)值得一提的是make 這個(gè)單詞實(shí)在是比較土了，建議換成enable sb. to do. sth./或是render sb. adj 這兩個(gè)概念。
3 繼續(xù)行動(dòng)，和建立組織之間嚴(yán)格說(shuō)來(lái)還有一個(gè)小步驟，也就是為了讓行動(dòng)更有效果，建立了
修改：
The imprisonment of Rosa Park discouraged and infuriated the black, who had been swallowing their anger before this incident. This time they were stimulated to rebel, rescuing the brave woman Rosa Park and more importantly wining their equal rights as an American citizen. Their plan of challenging the white（點(diǎn)題,引出如何進(jìn)一步挑戰(zhàn)） began with a conference composed of several ministers and civic leaders, who decided to organize a boycott among the black, namely, refusing to ride the citys buses until they were treated with the level of courtesy they expected, until black drivers were hired, and until seating in the middle of the bus was handled on a first-come basis. Moreover, in order to win the battle more effectively, the black formed an organization call MIA and elected Martin Luther King as their president. Their protest lasted over a year, ending when the United States Supreme Court ordered Montgomery to abolish the bus law. （這是挑戰(zhàn)之后的成果，廢除了公交法）
第四步：例子論述結(jié)束，進(jìn)行議論，把觀點(diǎn)和例子結(jié)合起來(lái)。
If those black people had never fought for their rights, they would still sit 1on the back of the bus, and 2they had to give up their seats whenever white people ask. 3If they had not challenged the white people, who are authority to them, they might still live at the bottom of society.
問(wèn)題：這個(gè)議論寫得還是比較精彩的，用的是虛擬語(yǔ)氣，從句和過(guò)去相反，主句和現(xiàn)在相反。
1 處有問(wèn)題，坐在汽車后部？ Take a seat in the back of the bus.
2 處的they had to 和之前的they would sit 并不是完全對(duì)等，我們可以改成： They would have to take a seat in the back of the bus and give up their seats when the white section was full. 其次if 如果做虛擬，可以做結(jié)構(gòu)省略，had those black people never fought for
3 生活在社會(huì)底層這個(gè)表達(dá)還是略有點(diǎn)中式。
Had they never challenged their authority, the white, they might still live at the foot of the social ladder. 分頁(yè)標(biāo)題#e#
4 還有一個(gè)小問(wèn)題就是在不寫結(jié)尾段的情況下，建議在議論部分明確的把你的觀點(diǎn)再重申一下。
修改：
Had Rosa Park never refused to give up her seat（概括例子）, the black would still have to take a seat in the back of the bus and give up their seats when the white section was full. Had Rosa Park never challenged the authority for equal rights, the black might still live at the foot of the social ladder.
Thus, it is imperative to question the authority behaving irrationally. （重述觀點(diǎn)）
全文總結(jié)：
1 SAT作文的開頭段三步走，一明確指出觀點(diǎn)，二解釋為什么，三做出結(jié)構(gòu)提示，即下文舉什么例子。
2 中間段的例子主要由論述和議論組成。
論述過(guò)程中要圍繞觀點(diǎn)來(lái)展開，分析好題目之后確定要細(xì)化的內(nèi)容。本文要細(xì)化的是權(quán)威的所指，為什么挑戰(zhàn)，怎么挑戰(zhàn)以及挑戰(zhàn)之后的結(jié)果。
議論指的是把例子簡(jiǎn)單總結(jié)，結(jié)合觀點(diǎn)。
3 高分關(guān)鍵：1）細(xì)節(jié)充實(shí)；2） 邏輯清楚；3） 語(yǔ)言準(zhǔn)確。
其中第一點(diǎn)是可以短期提高的，給大家提供一些參考書：《維基百科》、《美國(guó)歷史重大事件及著名人物》（郝澎）（此書是中英對(duì)照） 、《外教社人物傳記叢書》（英漢對(duì)照）。 后者是我強(qiáng)烈建議的，內(nèi)容短小精悍，包括了很多熟悉的人物，比如比爾蓋茨、戴妃、莎翁、泰格伍茲等等。大家可以選取1-2本，一邊看一邊做摘錄，同時(shí)多做思維練習(xí)。
4 Practice makes perfect. 相比閱讀部分，作文部分的提高還是很快的，大家把題目分好類之后，按類別準(zhǔn)備例子，然后限時(shí)練習(xí)。
